Pack and leave
I went back to the UK in April to pack my stuff.
First I got detained at the border, because I haven’t booked a ticket to leave. I was slightly annoyed. I sneered in my mind how British people always have the audacity to assume they are so wanted. From their ‘seeds’ to their ‘benefits’. lol. I didn’t book the ticket bc Sarah asked if I wanted to go to Rome with them, and they haven’t booked the ticket because she was so busy with the shop.
I went straight to her place, dropped a suitcase worth of stuff for her, and went straight to Cardiff the second day. I wanted to move fast, and get things sorted quickly. I didn’t want to be in a place that made me sad repeatedly.
The next couple of days I was frantically packing my stuff, giving most away. I packed some stuff I wanted to give to Sarah, a small suitcase for Rome, and a big suitcase to take back home. On my drive to London, everything was fantastic, the car was in incredible shape, fast and smooth, I suspect I speeded half of the time. When I was in London, however, in a dark corner where I couldn’t see what’s going on, I drove on something, which led to a flat tire. I watched the tire slowly deflates, as the quietness disappeared, became a loud vibration. I drove my longest 5 or 10 miles ever to YG’s place and parked the car. The next morning, I went to change my tire. Then I went to drop off things to Sarah’s, including a big ass mirror and some boxes of kitchen appliances. When we got back to the car, I didn’t realise my small suitcase and the leftover curry was missing. We went for dinner, after dinner, I glanced the backseat realised my small suitcase was missing- including a new laptop, all my favourite clothes and shoes, jewelleries and a watch, and a few hundred euros. We went back to the street immediately. After some walking up and down the streets, I was sure I was robbed, I called the police, knowing there’s basically no chance of getting my stuff ever again. The thief also took the charger and headphones in the glovebox. We drove to YG’s place, I was depressed. I told her what’s in the suitcase. She was speechless and said the police must take it seriously with this amount. Sarah went to check the camera in her shop, but the car was parked out of her camera range. I didn’t know how to tell my mum I lost the ruby earrings, pendulum and the watch. I also feel extremely angry like a fireball burning in my chest, like this country took away so many things from me, it gave me so much pain, it tortured me and brought me down to my knees too many times, including this time, it took away my hope, my innocence, my pure believe to the world, my love, my patience, my kindness, my gratitude, my generosity, my time, my grit, now it took away my favourite suitcase, a suitcase I had since 12, a pink suitcase my mum brought me when we were in Shanghai, the debut of my first solo wonder around in the world.
I have been through some troubles. I’ve seen people at their worse, I’ve slept at rough places, I’ve had times I can only afford bread for an entire week, I’ve experienced life being poor when I was little, I’ve experienced life being poor when I am an adult, but I’ve never been so hopeless. There’s something about the place that made me feel like my energy and hope for future is leaking. Down the drain. To a bottomless pit. That I will be forever, stuck in a loveless, hopeless, lonely, grey place. A limbo.
The next few days I called the police regularly, first day 12 times, second day 8, third day 7, i filled the forms countless times. At first they told me they had a system breakdown the day before, then they told me to wait for the called back from some investigation team. I never heard anything. Then it came to the time to hop on a plane. I didn’t want to, but I know I left with a fair amount of resentment.