2023/5/22

Saw pics of Bakhmut.

☹️🤮

Chopped potatoes watching a lecture on policies and politics. This is probably a bad idea. Currently the most entertaining thing I can find tho😂😂

…

I don’t want to share my diary with him. Before I’m aware he’s reading it’s easy to be an open book. Since I figured where to check IP history I get so easily irritated everytime I check it: if I get a view I’ll be angry, if I don’t get a view within 30 mins I’ll be angry, if the IP is different I’ll be angry, it’s just whatever I do and whether he reads or not I’m angry. 😂 But I also really really enjoy writing it.

It’s a bit like last year I was wishing he would get a girlfriend and I’ll be once and for all stop being interested in him, but I’m also extremely jealous with the thought he actually has a girlfriend which made me physically sick.

The same conflicting feeling.

…

Cried before sleep.

What I didn't tell WK is love is something completely other focused. Like I forgot about myself. Submerged by… Something, or someone else. This is what I learned about love during the past decade.

Using another person to satisfy certain needs… Is not.

Loving is happier than being loved. But they are equally important.

A mind that is fragmented, self centred, scared, weak, cannot feel the love of others, nor have the ability to love.

…

Called mum. She said my generation lives in a pretty tough time. I had a think. I said I don’t think so really, her time and my grandma’s time were both difficult too.

She agreed. It’s difficult in a different way. She said.