2023/5/20

We are on grassssss!!! Finally!!! I love the feeling- the scent of fresh grass, the wind touching my face.

ahhhhhhh

..
Had a conversation with Hannah on the way to polo. Told her about Seb was in my DM, I fear this behavior is repetitive and they gonna prey on more girls in the club. (Bc Sophie mentioned Seb was flirting with her. I didn’t say anything at the time.) Seb is a much much older man who is married and has children. I ignored him. And AJ asked for a ‘none platonic friendship’ which I plainly said no and unfollowed him.

I feel uncomfortable. It’s like I’m some kind of fuckboy test stone- but I was never flirty and I was always clear with what I want, which none of them satisfy.

We had a discussion why Santi wanted this reputation, and why girls go for this kind of men. (for a moment I thought it's funny, I'm like a… Bullet dodging expert now. ) ‘It’s a symbol of power and status.’ She said. ‘The girls, Sophie for example go for men that treat her badly, like rugby boys and people who go to gym. If she got chosen it kinda makes her feel better than the girls around her.’ Rugby boys don't always treat you badly though. It's losers that treat people badly.

‘To be fair it might be a rare quality somewhere else, but Cardiff? Every man or boy you talk to goes to the gym and plays rugby.’ I can’t remember how many young men think this is a personality, or even something mildly interesting.

We had a further discussion about this and thoughts on misogyny which I had yesterday.

I don’t understand why women… protect and adore this system that’s clearly harming them.

‘Women need more power.’ I said.

‘Women do have the power. It just some of us choose to give it up.’ She said.

I sighed. I want… fear. You know people generally have a choice if they want to be feared or loved? This is the conclusion I got from a few years of submersion in misogyny. It has never been clearer.

☺️

…

I’m wearing boxers next time for polo ahhhhhh I keep getting wedgies!!

…

Done the dishes. hmmmmm Haven’t decide what I want for tonight!