Swoon horny correlation

I was thinking about it earlier, whether this is the reason things didn’t work with my love life: am I too meaning oriented I filter out people fast (maybe sometimes too fast? And sometimes not fast enough?)

Most of the my brain is in scanning/observation mode that’s why i can’t orgasm. And when I can’t orgasm my interest decrease. This is a chicken and egg problem, you can’t orgasm when you aren’t relaxed and happy, orgasm is some kind of surrender, but I can’t surrender when I’m observing a guy and don’t feel completely safe with him.

Is he a respectable person, does he treat me well, is he playful, does he take care of me… When a man can have fun despite the outcome , all I was thinking is, task done, mission complete, oh ok shit sex, another failure, cut the loss, I can go home and sleep.

How am I suppose to surrender, when I see during, and even before sex, is danger and my next escape? How am I suppose to fall in love with a person when I see and experience first hand if he doesn’t treat another person nicely?

The more in love with a person the hornier I get. I’ve been in this extremely long dry spell I don’t feel incredibly swoon by anyone. Sad