2025/7/9

I was stressed and fed up with people and scared. I don’t like socialising so much. Working made it slight better. I had to act like I like everyone and listen and want to communicate but all I want to do is lay in bed and eat lemon sorbet. Occasionally I feel like talking to so many investors and panels and judges etc is a waste of time, but it’s a part of my job now. I miss sitting under the tree doing nothing.

Filled in the goods checklist. Those questions are wild ‘ Is your product used in any of the following applications: Radiation hard products…… Military Items, Weapons’

WTF I surely hope not 😂 also who tf is gonna use my product?! At this point I don’t really care who uses my product anymore. As long as someone wants to use it.

I found Better Late Than Single on 小红书 before bed and stayed up for 2 episodes. It’s so awkward it’s funny. In episode 2 one guy went into that 5 mins library thing to check out some info about the girl he fancies, the girl’s favourite film is Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. It immediately made my nose sore and made me cry. It definitely put me off from the show

I've never watched the film and don’t think I ever will. At this stage anything Sam related is definitely PTSD.

I was hurt. It was very painful. I’m so deeply wounded.

I know I said, to my friends and to myself, many times, I forgive everything that has happened. Only I know, it’s not forgiveness. It more like I’m not angry, but drained, disappointed and tired. Over a long period of time. It feels like my soul had been sucked out from me, long time ago, little by little, where I didn’t notice, as some sort of fuel for his love story and his character development. Where I sacrificed those pieces of my soul and will never be able to get them back.

It’s a type of meaningless sadness I’m not sure how many people will understand.

And it’s not helpful thinking about it at all. The past is… in the past.

I really want my soul back.