2024/7/15

I don’t think ‘punishing myself for someone else’s action’ is the correct interpretation.

It’s more like a) I’m embarrassed when I’m observed by someone I like but not close

b) there’s a fear I’m still in love with this person and whatever I write will not be free, but for him instead

That’s like the main thing really. I’m afraid it won’t be ‘me’ but a interpretation ‘what he likes’ and ‘what I want to express to him’

What is me? If my diary is written for him, to what degree, am I still me? If I’m aware of a witness, and the creation is for the witness, is the witness (he) a part of my creation(my diary)?

If the diary is written for the reader, he does not exist in the part where he’s portrayed, because it might be fictional, or not truthfully portrayed(although I try my best) but by the interaction of me observing how the reader is reading

Basically its the difference from dance while cooking and dance to perform,

Also you know what, the Squarespace’s update for analytics button is the true Pandora’s box. I was in pure ignorance bliss before I ever clicked on it

No no maybe more like Adam and Eve’s Apple