2024/10/19

I was discussing Liam Payne and his last messages with ‘close friend’ with HHZ. We were talking about Fentanyl first and the conversation somehow went there.

‘Close friend my ass.’ I said. ‘He’s cheating on his girlfriend and this is his side chick.’

How do I know? Sam did this to me. If only I knew he would never treat me like a real friend or even a real human that has feelings, i would’ve never reply to any of his messages. In fact, I feel revolted thinking back. I respected him as an equal yet he treated me like shit. Personal porn. What a good way to describe a girl. 🤮🤮🤮

You don’t fucking exist in day time, and he gives 0 fuck if you are sad or in trouble. He’ll tell you ‘don’t you have someone else to talk to?’ 🤮🤮🤮🤮 and simply block you when he’s done using you. British men. 🤮🤮

Anyway, despite my low sympathy, I told HHZ it’s actually not as easy to be addicted to fentanyl or any drugs as people imagine. I was on fentanyl at least a full week this year and all I felt like was a none pooping zombie. I would like to not be a zombie and I like my smooth poo. ‘It’s more mental issue than physical.’ I said. ‘If you don’t want to it’s very hard to be addicted in the first place. If you want to get rid of it you’ll use everything you can to get rid of it. They should give those people a therapist and a job.’

We had more discussions on my thoughts about the conference.

I’m meeting someone from King’s physics in the evening. He works in a nearby city and wants to meet up since I’m around. The pianist also text me asking if I’m interested in hearing him play. So i decide to take this physics guy to jazz. 😂✅

I want to go home.

I don’t want to act confident, act like I’m comfortable, I’m interested or I’m happy. I’m tired af. I also don’t want to inspect any penis or hook up with anyone.

I really really want to go home.