2023/1/18

I’m lack of vitamin C.

I went to talk to Stranks. My heart was jumping so fast the blood either went to the brain all together or withdrawn all together. Either way, I hesitated for month to email him if he has a position for a PhD, now I was standing in front of him, I didn’t ask. I was so nervous, told him I’m a big fan, asked him which one he thinks is the way for tandem- 2 terminal or multi terminal, he answered 2 terminal. Then we had an awkward discussions where my brain wasn’t functioning at all.

At almost the end of the conference I was almost dozing off, might actually fell asleep for a few minutes too, when I woke up the guy beside me roasted the Ph.D student on stage with one question, roast is not a fair word, more like ‘invalid your years of work by raising one point’, pretty standard academia stuff. It’s brutal. Something people don’t get it in daily life. It’s slightly better in material science which most people do boring repetitive work, in physics it’ll be more like Spanish Inquisition, ordinary spectators like us often watch the beef unroll.

Do I still want this? I asked myself so many times it doesn’t feel like a real question anymore.

I heard an analogy it’s almost like a bad divorce, also similar to a divorce, now people ask me why I divorce in the first place, which is something I cannot answer.

Don’t get married on a holiday. 😂