2023/3/9

Had a convo with HHZ about room temp superconductor, it’s in the news. He said it’s been two years since we last hangout and asked when I’ll be back.

‘I had shit two years.’ I said. Well, a year and a bit more to be exact. What gives me pain is the cascade afterwards.

‘Same.’ He said. He’s in a situation where he can’t quit(bc bad job market) but he feels like wasting his life and not doing or learning anything meaningful in Microsoft.

Told him about my latest revelation: I used to think I need to ‘find’ or ‘know’ what’s meant for me, and what are my responsibilities, my destiny - this year I feel like it should rather be something ‘fall’ on me. It’s a very strange feeling.

I miss him. We’ve been friends for 18 years now.

We became friends after a fight, I can’t remember how it happened, but we were facing a corner each, in the teachers office, when my mum picked me up. Throughout the years we actually never fought over anything serious, that we need to adjust the relationship or put on distance. I did got another detention because of him though, he was annoying me too much, so I accidentally threw my pencil case on another girl’s head while aiming at him. His mother is the teacher next class, strict, never smile. I’m the biggest troublemaker in town. I showed him a badly written history book about Cleopatra with erotic descriptions, his parents found out; we race to finish the maths exams and math Olympiad; played video games about a monkey- we were like two monkeys jumping up and down too.

I’m also the first person to figure out he’s gay. At around 14, he became really close and slightly obsessed with a boy in his class. He never told him. Never came out of closet in school or to his parents. In a relationship for two years with a bf he wasn’t completely satisfied (mainly bc they have nothing to chat about or in common.). So I tried to talk him out, said he should give the boy some mercy and give back the freedom to him(the boy), he(HHZ) hated me doing so. Eventually he did.