Opioid x 2

Last year when I was in hospital after the surgery I was given a blue pump, attached to me. I’ve been told if the pain is unbearable press the button. At first I was feeling drowsy and nausea the entire time, I wasn’t sure what it’s from, and I was in pain, my sister is also a horrible horrible person who’s so incredibly funny, every time I laugh I could feel the wound and the pain even worse. The second day after the surgery I was so fed up with eating horizontally, which isn’t practical at all, I really really missed food, I asked her to roll the bed up so I can sit up and eat. The pain felt awful, and my head felt light. I thought about the painkiller button and pressed it. I wasn’t expecting it but it made my head felt even dizzier. At that point I still blamed everything on being weak, so I asked her to roll me back down again. In the afternoon or the next day(I lost sense of time during that period tbh) I felt slightly better and suggested I would like to go for a walk. She assisted me up, we went down the corridor, with my one arm touching the wall the other arm holding her. I started to sweat and pant as I feel the pain.

We should go back. I said. So we went back. When I reached the bed I pressed the button, as I finally have a spear hand. I wasn’t sure if it’s working so a moment or two later I pressed it again. Then I felt the familiar sense of dizziness, shit, I thought, it’s definitely the button. Then I passed out. It wasn’t exactly passing out per se, it’s more like my senses are like… submerged in water. I can feel, hear, see, but not very clearly. The ceiling seems like a white haze.

Around the time I heard the doctors came in to check up on us.

Hows her? I heard them ask.

Knocked out by drugs. My sister answered.

I was probably lying in a very strange direction, I was aware I’m not in my normal position. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t get up and say hi. I can barely figure out what the conversation was.

Maybe someone giggled, maybe they didn’t, but if I was more conscious I would. This is so funny.

This is definitely some opioid shit. I thought.

When I finally got my conscious back I searched what’s in the pump, of course it’s opioid. it’s fentanyl, dezocine and saline. Damn. Opioid x2. Lucky me.

Let go to the nurse table. I said. Let’s get rid of this thing.

What if you feel the pain again? My sister asked.

It’s manageable. I would rather feel the pain than feeling nauseous or knocked out again.

So we went to the nurse table.

I don’t want it. I said.

What? Why? She asked.

It’s making me dizzy. I said.

I can cut it off for you, but I won’t be able to attach it again, when it’s gone it’s gone. She said.

Ok. I said.

She took it off, I walked back with the reminding opioid in my blood with no issue.

The next day I was significantly better. I could actually go to the toilet by myself.