2025/3/7

Listening to some Chopin Nocturne before bed. Aren’t they lovely!

I was so nervous when I told Dr S our valuation is 25 mil.

he said he’ll think about it.

I was having this anxiety, told my sister about this.

It’s not a lot. She said. It’s a fair price. You could’ve ask for more.

It is fair. I checked all latest valuations for seed/angle round of every company that does the same thing.

I found out by accident my eldest sister is calm when left behind. Because my other sister always has her back. It’s not like my panic attacks when I feel like I’ve been left behind. As if the world has abandoned me. It happened last year in Rome. When I was younger I was helpless and cried a lot. Now (in 2024) I figured it turned into wrath and I burn everyone who I felt that left me behind. I also accidentally hurt my niece when I felt the same way at some point. It’s not fair for anyone around me who didn’t meant that way in the slightest. I couldn’t control myself thinking or feeling that way. I didn’t realise it would make such a difference until I saw how secure my eldest sister feels. As if how I see the world has been shadowed by a ghost.

It makes me sick. I always have massive headaches that make me want to vomit if I cry.

It’s not like life is difficult by myself I want to cry. It’s I feel fucking betrayed I want to cry. Being independent is merely the side effect of it.

When my logic is intact I wouldn’t want to hurt anyone or have anyone feel what I felt. When I feel frightened, when my mind is not there anymore I want the other person feel the agony and the hell I was in.

Recently a hot guy that split wood with an axe keep showing up on my feed

man, why is he wearing clothes 😩