2024/7/20

Tictok is evil. I’ve been scrolling non stop on recipes and having imaginary food orgasms from how good the food looks

Will messaged me. It’s been a year. It’s about time lol. Quick polite exchanges on how’s home how’s mum and dad how’s adulting etc etc, he asked where I am I asked him how’s London life where he replied wasting money in London and partying a lot more. 👍 Long story short he’s hating cooperate, and wants to be a private chef.

He asked if I miss my friends in the UK, I asked Who? Julia is in Italy. Then I asked if he still talks to anyone from school. None. he said. I didn’t exactly have a huge number of friends in school.

He was dating Emily back then, Emily was in the room next to me. One the few memories I had for him was a) I hear his name at the assembly almost every week for whatever prize he had won for fencing b) he’s was in the girl’s boarding house for some reason, on the main stairs. I took a shower in the big bathroom (at 4:30pm. Yes I like my random shower), I had to pass the main stairs to get back to my room, it was right by the stairs. I came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around myself, saw him, screamed, and ran back to my room. c) He was breaking up with Emily, Emily cried the whole evening and I heard everything. Including ‘Please don’t break up with me’ and ‘but I love you.’ repeatedly. I couldn’t sleep all night and wanted to tell her just hang up the fucking phone. I wanted to tell her a person that WANTS to leave cannot be kept. I would rather reply a cool ‘Ok’ and cry my eyes out ALONE. He doesn’t deserve to see my vulnerabilities, and I would rather keep my dignity. But hey, it’s not my relationship. 🤷🏻‍♀️

The next time I met him was in the basement of Bush house. I was with Sinah, I heard someone calling Alice but didn’t realise it’s me, Sinah looked back, I think he’s calling you. She said. I turned back, saw him, again eyes wide open, I didn’t know he came to Kings. That’s how we actually started talking. We didnt had any conversations in school, and I wasn’t friends with him.

He asked if I talked to anyone from school.

Not really. I answered. Well actually, you know Dan H? He’s been texting ‘How’s you’, I reply ‘Good, how are you?’, he replies ‘Good.’ On repeat. Like we don’t actually talk.

This is actually too funny. He said.

Literally no conversation. I said. Maybe I should reciprocate. Set up some auto message thingy on. Once every 17 days send him a message ‘ how are you’

Dan is currently growing potatoes and barley at home. That’s all I know.

I reminded the last time I actually saw big D was 3 years ago or something. The time I rented his room and he cleared it up. he was going to some other country. The time I met Sam. I was telling him my ridiculous bus trip in the Canary Islands, where I played ASMR out loud (eat my pussy babe). I had to play him the song to illustrate the situation. He laughed hard. ‘Eat my pussy babe.’ He squealed. His housemate, the typical English fuckboy, was with his situationship in the next room. I’m pretty sure they heard everything.  English fuckboy had the girl to be his girlfriend for a while then broke up with her. I wasn’t surprised at all when D told me. In fact, I rolled my eyes. To be fair he’s not all bad. He reads, he got his copy of Stalingrad the fateful siege after saw me reading, he was watching conversations with friends, I walked in and confused by the girl panicking about an abortion or something, he explained the previous plot to me. Then I went to read to novel. Needless to say it’s an another thing I’ve read to waste time on. It’s weak and… thin. Just like normal people, the characters are self centred phoneys who doesn’t do much real thinking. I remember discussing Normal people with Jackson, he said the show was pretty good, I said, ‘Normal people? More like shitty people!’ I never finished watch the whole thing. I decided if this is the normal level of shittness of men in this country, I’m gonna stay away from them. But I feel like I’ve experienced something worse, by accident. Anyway, his food smells amazing, and I accidentally played 10s of porn on his speaker, I feel bad about it. He slammed his door on me once. I’m not happy about it. I hate people slamming doors.