2024/4/18

Most of the time I complain ‘I don’t know what to do’ in my diary. I’m terrified as everyone else. I suspect fear pushes me more than desires. Fear of making the same mistakes, fear of the regrets on my deathbed, for not doing something, fear of being abandoned, being left behind, fear of not enough money, fear of not enough of time to spend with my mother, a lover and a family which doesn’t exist yet, fear of death itself.

Met a person on the street. I was taking pictures of the Colonna, he waited outside the frame for me to take the picture, I gestured him to go but he waited. So I took the picture. He asked where I’m from, I asked what he does and he invited me to his office. ‘Now?’i asked.

‘Yes I’m going to the office now.’ He said.

I went to his office. He made me tea, I browsed his office bookshelf, a lot of law books, a lot of documents, a few of them are from BASF and Merck, then we had dinner. I asked some questions, he asked some questions. He recommended Memoirs of Hadrian to me.

I asked him how he became a lawyer, he said he always wanted to be, since he was a boy. Lucky guy.

We talked about relationships, I asked him what’s the most important thing in marriage is. He said love.

He told me I’m very pretty, I said thank you. He asked if I agree, I asked him if he wants the real answer or the polite answer.

‘The real answer of course.’ He said.

‘No.’ I said, without hesitation.

‘You are.’ He said. ‘I’m not saying this to get you in bed with me, maybe not the conventional beauty, but you have something special.’ I heard it so many times I’m pretty sure this is a line to get me in bed with him. Especially with the claim NOT to get in bed with me. 😂

You are special. Perfect. Different. Never met someone like you.

At the end of night dude did want to have sex. At this point I was already sure he’s still married and had multiple affairs before, from how smooth he was and not having an ounce of remorse. But I wasn’t interested in being one of them.

Will check out the book though lol