2023/3/30

Surely it’s a wonderful feeling. Things are finally off my chest.

I think for a while the resentment is real- the greatest pain is not love unrequited, is my own fear I might never have the courage to do it again.

And yesterday I felt this urge, this liberating feeling, that my fear is slowly retreating and I can love again.

Like I can finally say what I want to say- because there’s nothing to lose and I can finally not care anymore.

Why am I the person that should hide and retreat ?! I’ve done hiding. I love being under the sun.

I know I complain a lot in my diary(that's the main purpose lol) and I was constantly making the wrong choice.

But I want to say when I made those choices, there were something right about them. I saw, felt, knew something particular was right. I need to take long hard lessons to understand what’s wrong, but the right things- well I’m right about the right things, and it’s good to gather them up.

I took a lot of things out of my life for the last two years. Some old clothes, old friendships, acquaintances, a degree, old love(it’s actually relatively fresh in my time scale 🤷🏿‍♀️), old habits…

It’s difficult to say what you want and what you like when younger, I guess that’s why being young does not mean one in their happiest.