2023/5/12

Couldn’t sleep. So I went up to finish the Russian exam.

Really happy I decided to learn it properly.

…

Heard on the podcast a Russian expert said this war is a proxy war between the US and China. 😅😂Well yeah I don’t really know

😅Damn photon design. I’ve been trying to install the thing for 2 weeks and had IT came over multiple times. Still ‘license not found.’ Bruh

WK messaged me this morning. We haven’t talked in years. ‘Are we at the age of getting married? Seems like everyone around me is engaged.’ He said. I thought about the wedding photos I’ve seen this year, and he was at Q’s wedding(and I liked the post)- make sense he’s wondering. I was wondering last year as well. But it’s crazy. You can tell some are not marrying for love, I do not envy at all. He said he’s scared.

‘It won’t be as scary if it’s the right person. I think.’ I said. ‘I think I might be more worried about the possibility I don’t have enough time to spend with him.’

‘How do you know if it’s the right person? Biological instincts?’

‘Well it’s different for people isn’t it? Biological instincts are definitely important.’

‘It’s like you have one go! And you don’t know what’s inside the box.’

‘Yeah. 😂’ i said. ‘Fate! 愿赌服输嘛！(if you are willing to gamble you are willing to lose)’

‘Fate!’ He said, ‘I caught my current girlfriend at Q’s engagement. We would never met if not that.’

‘Are you in Shanghai?’

‘No HK. I moved for her. I’m fucked.’

I don’t know why this means he’s fucked. I start have a slightly bad feeling about his relationship.

‘I think people want different things.’

‘Of course.’

‘My baseline is simple.’

‘What is it? I really want to know what I want.’

‘Friendship, good sex, a person with integrity and kind. That’s it?’ I had a think. ‘Maybe if he has some family trend of disease. I don’t think i can take it to lose a partner in middle age.’

‘How much do you think relationship goal should take in life goal?’

‘Like 60? 70 percent?’

‘That’s pretty high.’ He said. ‘You should find someone else 60 or 70 for you.’

‘Haha of course! Only if I can meet the person.’

‘Fate!’ He said. ‘You don’t look like a 60, 70 person though. I always thought you are not interested.’

‘I’m gonna be honest with you. Other stuff feels like side task for me.’

‘Main task is love.’

‘Yeah! And I always feel embarrassed to say so because it seems like a bad thing in the current world. But yeah my main task has always been slow. Very slow.’

‘Always distracted.’ He said. I don’t know how much is because I’m distracted, I blame on little opportunity. 🤭 ‘Let us pray.’

‘What’s happening with Q?’ I think I saw her in the UK again. ‘Are they living separately?’

‘Yeah right after they got married. Her husband is in Shanghai.’

‘Why didn’t he come with her?’

‘I don’t know. Pretty shocking huh?’

‘Yeah…’

…

I don’t know if I should travel to the US for a while anymore. The racism looks increasingly bad. Heard from friends a few states passed bill to ban Chinese from buying any properties, and there’s a proposed bill in Louisiana to not only ban purchasing but renting too. I fear this is something spreading…….