2023/5/4

I was riding bike to home, it’s dark, cold. All of a sudden I had this exact same feeling I had in London, but stronger, I feel like an outsider, a homeless, a bird without feet, a plant without root.

It’s hard to explain to anyone, the pain of it, if they’ve never felt it. It’s not today, not specifically tonight. It’s been plaguing me for years.

When I was younger I used to make the wrong choices to avoid this pain, but it got me into worse troubles.

Spotify shuffled to some familiar tune, I impatiently swiped away. I don’t need a reminder. I knew it was a whole year before I wake up today.

苏轼说：“吾心安处是吾乡。”可见我从来没有心安过。也没有找到（除妈妈以外的）至交，深深牵挂的人。